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Ballad of a Family Search ©

Sonja Nic Rafferty
Germany
2002

I'm homesick for a home
I've never been allowed
to call my own.
When I was young I tried to believe
those who wanted to make me think
it's wrong to ask for the past!

I'm homesick for my parents, a family
I've never been allowed
to see my life flame primarily.
You said that if it was you, never you
wanted to know what I'm looking for.
But you've had your own family!

I'm homesick for sisters and brothers
I've never been allowed
to grow up with and support each other.
You do not just have photographs
of a family sitting round the hearth,
and you are the only missing person!

I'm homesick for my grandparents
I've never been allowed
to sit on their knees watching family events.
Only their graves I can visit now
in case I have money for the long journey.
They are gone before seeing me!

I'm homesick for all members of my clan
I've never been allowed
to meet at least now and then.
I will not listen any longer to you
if you tell me that I overdo.
Were you pushed from orphanage to foster home?

I'm homesick for an exciting land
I've never been allowed
to walk on its shores' sand.
I won't accept exercising restraint,
I'm old enough to know that for me
it is better to face and not to flee destiny!

I'm homesick for many things
I've never been allowed
to carry on engaging.
I do not blame you if my story does not mean
anything to you, but leave me alone.
I need to find my final compensation!

Permanently I'm homesick for my home
in lifetime I've never been allowed
to call my own.
While there's life there's hope!
Man hofft, solange man lebt!
Tant qu'il y a de la vie il y a de l'espoir!
Many have gone, but yet some to find.

I am still alive!


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