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Come Fly with Me ©

Tom Green
Fife, Scotland
2004

The ither day when Ah wis down an’ feelin’ lonely
Ah thocht Ah wid try meet a nice wee lady body
Ah read the personal ads to see what Ah could do
Tae meet a lovely lass tae make ma dreams come true
Wan advert frae a lass mentioned initials WLTM
She said she was a diamond lookin’ for a gem
A guid lookin’ man (like me) wha’ liked tae eat
And be awfy good tae her and wouldna’ cheat
She liked stayin’ in as well as goin’ clubbin’
(Dae Ah need a baseball bat or pool cue for that?)

Noo ahm really perplexed by a’ these abbreviations
Ahm wannert and mystified aboot their declarations
Tryin’ tae understand them gets ma pair heid in a mess
Whit dae they mean when they say N oblique S?
Noo, ahm not entirely slow, just a wee bit dighted
Does it mean Not Smart or is it just Near Sighted?
Anither lass wis lookin’ for pamp’ring and TLC
Take Lots of Cash? Never! She’ll no’ get it frae me!
Yet anither liked walks and meals in the fresh air
She wanted me tae use ma car tae get her there
Ah telt her “Just a minute, look here ma honey
Puttin’ petrol in ma tank will cost a lot of money
So if ye want a meal and fresh air, here’s ma plan
We’ll just walk doon the road tae the chippie van.”
She ask’d whit ah did in life Ah said “Financial adviser”
She said “It seems clear tae me you’re a bloomin’ miser!”

Yet anither said she was a gentle Jill looking for a Jack
Ah said, “Try the boolin’ club.” (She’s no’ come back)
Believe me Ah’ve tried hard, frae early morn till late
And rung lots of numbers to try to find ma mate
There jist hasnae been a rush o’ lassies tae ma door
(Maybe the word’s got oot that Ah’m ninety four)

Noo this has been awfu’ hard work as you can tell
(Phone calls don’t come cheap you know full well)
Since it noo appears wi’ soul mates Ah’ll never gel
Ah’ve decidit the best thing is jist tae bide ma’sel’!



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