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Congratulations! You’re a Winner! ©

Tom Green
Fife, Scotland
2004

Yestreen oor postie came, wi’ a big important letter
On the front, “Open Quick. Make Your Life Better.”
It came through the letter box an’ hit the ground
An’ said ah’d won a hale ten thousand pound
It said plainly that ah’d been specially selected
It seemed all ah hid tae dae wis write an’ accept it
Whit a lot of cash! Ah couldnae wait tae collect it
The letter said clearly the cash wis really mine
There on the cheque in big letters wis ma name
It seemed tae me at long last ah hid found fame
Ah really needit the money, (ah was awfy skint)
Then ah minded Dad’s advice “Read the sma’ print.”

It said with my acceptance ah’d tae send a tenner
For a’ their postage costs since ah wis a winner
Noo ah don’t understand, ah’m sure you’ll agree
Why dae they need tae get that ten pounds frae me?
Could they no’ just deduct it from what ah’d won?
(In fact ah wid be generous and gi’e them a 'ton')
Noo they’d enclosed an envelope for a quick reply
(Ah noticed it needed stamping first class forbye)
I’m really mixed up, perplexed and in a quandry
(I canna save ten thousand pounds workin’ in a laundry)

Ah could dae wi’ the money, the pressure’s intense
But ah’ll err on caution’s side, use ma common sense
So regretfully, and sadly, though ah’d like lots of 'tin'
Ah’ll jist dae whit ah’ve done before and pit in the bin.



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