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'Enery the 8 ©

Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia

'Enery were a big fat king, an' at dinner was always flickin'
bits o' bone an' chicken legs, an' 'e were quiet fond o' spittin'.
'E went down to the docks one day, 'cos 'is boat was due to sail,
but it 'ad too many guns, and 'Enery went quiet pale.

'E watched in frozen 'orror, as wind wi' a big gust did splatter,
bent the sails and 'eeled 'is boat, right over in the watter.
Unwanted watter was taken on, and 'Enery began to think,
I'm going to lose my Mary Rose, and 'is panaloons did stink.

The Mary Rose did founder, and to the bottom sank,
But 'Enery just went 'ome and into a stupor drank.
Early the next morning and with a 'ead so thick,
'Enery had a good look round for another's 'ead to nick.

"My wife 'as been unfaithful!", well that were his favorite chide
didn't stop the executioner though, giving her a short back and side.
The bloke wi' the big black shiny axe, face covered by a mask,
Accepted the penny gracefully as he prepared for his grim task.

Bend your head a little my lady, and lay it on the stone,
You are about to heaven go, for your sins you must atone.
'Enery didn't give a fig, as around the palace he wandered,
and spotting a pretty bit of lace, he paused then smiled and pondered.

Some said, "'e will, 'e won't." while other said, "'e wouldn't dare."
But they all were proved quiet wrong when, 'e up an' wed the mare.
From somewhere over in Flanders came this buxom wench,
king were real delighted, till he got close to her on the bench.

He thought 'e'd get 'er into bed that first night they was wed,
But she just took him for all he'd got, 'cos they just played cards instead.
Time went by and he began to feel, and really thought he aught
but some of 'is advisers advised 'im, it could be all or nought.

But 'Enery then finished up, being wed next to his old nanny,
'e never took 'er to bed, 'cos she reminded 'im of 'is granny.
But she did cure 'im of 'is mucky ways, of chucking bits of chuck,
And she made him always clean up the mess, and all the other muck.

Not many remember him fondly, although one must admit,
'e built up the Brits sea power, and kept them out of the pit.
'cos there were a lot of countries, who thought to make the Brits expire
and if it 'adn't been for old 'Enery, the Brits would have bin in the mire.


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