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GEORDIE SHORT ©

Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia

Geordie came from Newcastle,
which nestles on the Tyne.
He worked down deep in the pits.
and came home black with grime.

One day he said, "Ah'm sick o' this!
Fer awe this time two bob,
an ivery dae the same owd stuff,
ah'm shovin' doon ma gob."

So giving in his notice,
he left the following week.
Then every day walked the town,
another job to seek.

Jobs were scarce as soon he found,
no one embraced him with glee.
So bitter and disappointed,
he trudged back home for tea.

The next day it were raining,
as the barracks he walked past.
Some soldiers there were training,
and Geordie thought, at last.

This was a chance to change his life,
so through the gate he trundled.
And quick as a wink he signed that form
then into khaki was bundled.

The wind it howled, the night was dark
and rain it was a pouring,
But Geordie didn't give a stuff
in a warm bed he was snoring.

The bugle woke him early,
next bright and sunny morn.
And Geordie sat up in his bed,
with a wide and toothy yawn.

Stuff me, he thought, what a sleep
this bed is just the job.
Then he had a quick look round,
for something to stuff in his gob.

"Gerrout that pit, you moron!"
roared the Sergeant across the room.
And Geordie had to squint a bit.
to see him in the gloom.

Then leaping out his flea pit,
which was so warm and cosy.
He picked up his enamel mug,
and to the mess hall he did mosey

Egg and bacon or bacon and egg,
You can take your choice,
Or burgoo wi' some salt on it,
it'll put gravel in yer voice.

The next bloke to our Geordie,
had been detailed for a Guard.
But he explained to our mate
it was going to be very hard.

Whispered how, down the boozer,
playing cards and such.
He'd lost a lot of money,
and could end up on a crutch.

His short shirt kit he had sold.
to cover some of his debts,
That's the last thing a soldier does
according to all the Vets.

So Geordie with the big heart,
would not his mate let down.
He knew that flogging short shirts,
on this the Sergeant would frown.

But then the door banged open,
and in the Sergeant strolled,
He glared at everyone standing there,
and his small eyes rolled.

"Tomorrer I do you're kit inspect."
said Sergeant with eyes a-gleamin'
"An' woe tae him or any wun,
who ain't his kit been cleanin'!"

So next day at the stroke of ten,
through the door the Sergeant wandered.
Walked straight up to Geordie's den
then stood there and just a pondered.

"Something's missing from your kit,
don't bother to deny!"
And perusing up and down the pit,
the Sergeant did suddenly cry.

"Waar's yu short shart Short?
Did you know that it was a-missing?
You really should report,
or your leave goodbye be kissing!"

"Ah divvent naw weer me short shart went."
said Geordie in a rage
"Harraway man Sarg, ahm no' that bent.
Dinnae poot me inti the cage!"

Geordie thought the Sarge was hard
'cos he said to Geordie's horror,
"Yo wiil be from the canteen be barred
and leave cancelled on the morrer!"

The next day poor old Geordie stood,
and his brow was hot.
Thinking how in the pits,
and every things gone ti pot.

"Cap off, left turn, quick march, eft, ight, eft, ight, halt!
Private Short, sah!
Hon hinspection hon the 17th inst,
hi put 'im hon a charge, sah!"

"What have you got to say Short?"
asked the Officer, looking grim.
"Well, ah couldnie let me mate doon."
said Geordie, "An' he's no a bloomin' crim."

"Ahl ah did wuz ti lend 'mah shert,
tae dee a flamin Guard.
Why all this flamin' bother?
Ger another shirt is no so flamin' hard!"

The C.O. said to the Sergeant,
"We need more men like Short.
So do him and I a favour,
and take him off the report."

The Sergeant stiffly said,"O.K. sir!"
'cos he knew who was boss.
Then marched old Geordie out again,
but Geordie didn't give a toss.

So we'll leave owd Geordie and his mate,
sipping a can of grog,
I'm going down to the stickle back lake
to find and kiss me a frog.

Well y' nivver na' yu 'luck man!, it cud torn inta ae beauootiful Princess, ye nah!


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