Giving up Smoking ©

It’s been ten weeks since my last fag,
After smoking for 36 years.
I can’t say I feel any better at all,
Though I’ve increased my intake of beers.

My stick insect frame, doesn’t quite look the same,
And I’m struggling at night to watch telly.
There’s no fault with my eyes,
But since I ate all the pies,
I appear to have grown a new belly.

I like my new belly,
It’s my new best mate.
My own portable table, for resting my plate.
“What’s so good about that?”
I hear you all say,
It’s a godsend, now I’m on
35 meals a day.

“The house smells much cleaner!”
At least, so I’ve been told.
But I’ve had no sense of smell,
Since I had that 'Man's cold'.

You know what I mean, ladies?
I’m sure that you do.
What you call a sniffle,
To us would be flu!
(However, in my case, it happened to be true!)(Honest!!)

The aromas may come back to me, soon?
Who can tell?
So the taste of my food, should improve as well.
All that nicotine and tar, can just go to hell!
Me and my 12 pack are doing just swell.

To help replace, the fags and matches,
This time I did it with the 24-hour patches.
I know that they’ve helped,
So I think I can beat it.
If you suggested, 'Cold Turkey'.
I’d just want to eat it!

My rapid expansion won’t cause me to frown,
Though as my weight balloons,
The wife’s is coming down.

She’s on, 'Red days' and 'Green days',
And gets a sticker on her book.
While I’m on 'pig-out' days,
Only pausing……..to cook!

Now once I’m sure, that the fags are in the past.
(And I am fairly sure, that I’ve puffed on my last.)
I’m sure my new weight rise, will gradually slow,
'Cause I’ve got no more holes on my belt left to go!

My poor wife was prepared,
For my tantrums and rants,
But not my new love……
Some baggy, Jogging-Pants.