Mister Nobody ©

Oh! That I was widely known
Like Tom or Dick or Harry
A pedestal place all my own
Proud chieftain of Glengarry
A King of place, a Duke of grace
I’d rather sink or swim
Than suffer this ignoble phrase
"Who’s he? Oh! You mean him."

A highwayman, a buccaneer
Soldier of fortune in the foreign legion
Brave D’Artagnan, musketeer
Famous swordsman of the Gallic region
Robert the Bruce, his flag I’d raise
On Stirling’s battlefield so grim
Than suffer this ignoble phrase
"Who’s he? Oh! You mean him."

Toulouse Lautrec, while the Red Mill twirls
Squinting up the skirts of the cancan girls
With palette in hand I’m capturing the scene
A kaleidoscope of colour on a canvas screen
Supping absinthe, spinning in a daze
Rather see life through eyes so dim
Than suffer this ignoble phrase
"Who’s he? Oh! You mean him."

Robert Burns my life’s ambition
Trudging a furrow behind a sturdy grey
Sowing seeds, awaiting their fruition
Having his way with the lassies in the hay
Better Rabbie and all his wicked ways
With Annie Laurie’s frame so trim
Than suffer this ignoble phrase
"Who’s he? Oh! You mean him."

At last! At last! I’ve laid my claim
To fortune, everlasting fame
Dick Turpin and his steed Black Bess
Have got me in a pickle mess
At least! At least! My journey’s over
A suit of arrows is my cover
Now my new found name is free
"Who’s he? Oh! You mean, No. 5533."