No more Sherry on the Mantelpiece, keep the carrots for the stew. ©

The greatest gift, I ever bought
Has saved me thousands of pounds
And knocked some time and effort off
Poor Santa’s busy rounds

I bought it for myself one year
A real-life Starting Gun
I opened it on Christmas Eve
For my un-festive fun.

And as the kids were sleeping tight
In dreams of Yuletide glory
I made my way out to the shed
To help re-write the story.

I took my pistol from it’s box
And popped in one fresh cartridge
Instilled with glee, that in MY pear tree
There would be no trace of Partridge!

The kids woke hard, when they heard the great bang.
(While I tiptoed back quickly, inside with such stealth)
Whereupon, I was graced with the PRESENTS of mind
To inform them that Santa, had just topped himself.