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Oh, Mummy! ©

(A gentle nod to the trendy wendies of the 1st Battalion, Pet 'em and Wet 'em Brigade; Motto: "Make A Circle.")

Gordon Fjaelberg
Bridgend, Wales
1988

Oh, Mummy! I'm a Fascist,
My teacher told me so;
He's squatting in a commune
And so he ought to know.
I'm propping up dictators
For daily you provide
My orange and banana,
Which could be US-supplied.

Oh, Mummy! I'm combative,
My teacher told me so;
She once escaped from Rampton
And so she ought to know.
Do you recall John's party,
Where I went fancy-dressed?
Teacher learned I'd won first prize
And really got depressed.

Oh, Mummy! I'm elitist,
My teacher told me so;
He's got just three 'O' Levels,
And so he ought to know.
It's really quite unthinkable
Were Fate to shine on me,
And I moved onwards, upwards,
Into University.

Oh, Mummy! I'm a sexist,
My teacher told me so;
She's forty, still unmarried,
And so she ought to know.
When asked for my intentions,
What did I want from life?
I said, much to her horror:
"First a job, and then a wife."

Oh, Mummy! I'm reactionary,
My teacher told me so;
He's done ten years for spying,
And so he ought to know.
I think girls SHOULD be pilots,
It's brains that count, not looks;
Can't I then like Rupert Bear
And Enid Blyton books?

Oh, Mummy! I'm immoral,
My teacher told me so;
She once had gonorrhea,
And so she ought to know.
People she calls hetero's
Are treated with such scorn
If ever I became one
I'd wish I wasn't born.

Oh, Mummy! I'm defeatist,
My teacher told me so;
He wears a CND badge,
And so he ought to know.
He says we must ban Trident,
Aren't missiles such a fright?
But Russia's are defensive,
So that makes THEM alright!

Oh, Mummy! It's too dreadful,
I'm wicked through and through,
Beyond hope of redemption;
Whatever can I do?
My teachers say it's hopeless,
They've left my case too late;
Mummy, if I'm like this now,
How WILL I be when eight?


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