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Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia

Once upon a time in computer land, three little men got lost.
They fell into the Cludgie, and upon the waves they tossed.
They waited to be rescued, but no one knew of their plight,
so they settled down to shouting, "HELP!" with all their might.

It wasn't long before Owd Wino, the Cludgie's favourite hag,
thought she saw something moving, just as she lit her fag.
And bending down a bit closer, so as to get a better look,
a passing bloke spotted her, and his eyes went suddenly crook.

Dan was treading water, and on a log was old MacKay,
The third was old Fred, and that made Owd Wino's day.
"I'm so sorry to have to do this," she quipped "and it causes me much pain.
But I will no longer see you three, because I'm going to pull the chain."

Owd Wino pulled the chain with gusto, and the water cascaded down,
And Owd Wino with an evil grin smirked, "Drown you back studs drown!"
The gallant three were swept off their feet and sped towards the 'S' bend,
And old Fred said, "Por favor!" and to Owd Wino a kiss did send.

Owd Wino waved "Ta, Ta." with a teary smile, and suddenly realised,
she would not see old Fred again, or be very much surprised.
So back up to the rooftop, with the coffee in her hand,
she gazed at all creation, and thought "Now, ain't life grand?"

But old Fred returns to haunt her, and Owd Wino's at her wits end.
No matter how she fishes, with a hook around the 'S' bend.
Those gallant lads of the Cludgie, never will be the same,
but we thank the Lord for erasing that bleed'n Owd Wino's name.

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