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Panda Ambassadors ©

Baba
Stewarton, Scotland
2005

China’s giving a gift to Taiwan
As part of diplomacy's gentler wee plan
A couple of Pandas are dispatched overseas
To soften the hearts so that war talk can ease

The press and the media have pitched up their tent
To report, and record, this historic event
The airport awash with the great and the good
Jammed all together in partying mood

The speeches are made from the lectern and podium
While backstage, in customs, it's pure pandemonium
The Taiwanese, anticipate, the pandas to their soil
Unaware, behind the scenes, they’re officials are in turmoil

The paperwork states that they’re black bears with white bits
But customs contend that they’re white bears with black bits
The passports they’ve issued just simply don’t match
What colour the bears, what colour their patch?

Just as the pandas are to be brought to the fore
To tumultuous applause and a deafening roar
A message is passed to the person in charge
There’s a bit of a problem, it’s really quite large

It’s Taiwanese customs, they’re being a pain
The pandas, deported, are back on the plane
This insult to China just simply won’t pass
Regardless, the pandas are seated first class

The rejecting of bears was never quite planned
And all because, a customs man, decided on a stand
China will declare a war, insulting wrong will right
A declaration, made so clear, in simple black and white


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