Seeking Asylum ©
When I come to Scotland first
for Scotland culture I have thirst.
I live near football ground Ibrox,
folk look at me like I had pox.
Helping here the polis disnae,
I think I safer back in Grozny.
Then come to Fife where joining queue,
outside temple called Burroo.
Go inside, where wait in line
Someone say “Come here, write name”
Then she give me lots of ackers.
I say “Much is thanking you.”
She look at like as if I quackers,
Says “Back next week, we give you same.”
To other temple then I go
Attending rite they call “The Bingo”
Where man call out the holy numbers
“Fat Ladies”, “Legs” and “Maggies Den”
fat wife shour “House” and people moan,
“Jesus Christ, no’ her again!”
Fife people good, they give me telly,
plenty food for fill my belly,
I live in town they call Kirkcaldy,
But I no like they call me “Baldy”.
They give me house with glass in windae,
Locks on doors and working cludgie,
Tell me “ Mind, you keep your Lords’ day,
We give you house, but buy own budgie.”