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The Polis...Night Shift ©

Franz Grimley
Falkirk, Scotland
2005

It was quarter past three in the morning
and man, but it really was dark,
when Bobby and me and Charlie McGee
were ordered to go to the park.

It appears that there’d been a commotion,
and a certain young lady was raped
by a well known and well-beloved darts team
who had done it, and then just escaped!!!

At first it appeared like a straightforward case
but the lady was not all she seemed,
and Charlie McGee winked softly at me,
then turned to the lady and beamed.

“I’ve seen you before,” said oor Charlie.
“I recognise those auburn locks…
and unless I am very mistaken,
you were hanging aboot roon the docks!”

At this the young lady got narky
and called him a terrible name,
but Charlie just let it run off him
And said, “That’s right, you’re on the game!”

“So tell me now, what is your problem?
And this was the lady’s reply
“They’d hired me, right? Fur the Saturday night
and they’d paid me by cheque, on the fly.”

“So what’s a’ the fuss?” said oor Charlie.
And at this the young lady announced
“Well, a took it and banked it on Monday,
and on Tuesday the bloody thing bounced!”

“So a made up this story to scare them.
To gie the wee buggers a fright,
and to make them think twice and to take my advice
that you don’t mess with girls of the night!”

Well, we booked her... Her case was oan Friday,
And the Fiscal said, “Here’s a wee tip.
Before ye go meeting your clients,
In future... get cash oan the hip!”



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